Keep Yourself Alive
by DancingSpy
Summary: Because the TARDIS never was very good at staying on track, or landing them in the correct time period. Ever. :Doctor Who/WWRY crossover:
1. Globalsoft Loves You

**Disclaimer: You recognise it? Then I don't own it.**

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"What are you doing?"

"Singing. What does it sound like, Pond? Actually, don't answer that."

"It sounds like a dying cat."

"I just told you not to answer that!"

The Doctor shook his head and scowled. Really, was there anything this regeneration was good at, apart from being incredibly bothersome and really quite oblivious? Nine was good at dancing, Ten was a particularly avid reader, but Eleven… Eleven was struggling to find something that came naturally to him – apart from his daft personality, of course. Amy grinned at him from across the TARDIS console, adjusting the funny lever on the glowing green radio in front of her, which was emitting a shrill screech as the switch moved up and down – the only sound apart from Amy, the Doctor, and the gentle hum of the TARDIS.

"Jeez, I was joking. But it wasn't exactly good. Anyway – this thing here, you said it's like a radio? But it can get any radio station in the known universe? And why does it glow?" Amy asked, still adjusting the bar and marvelling at the variety of different sounds emitting from the single, oddly shaped speaker (It was either a triangle or a square, Amy couldn't quite tell).

"Yup. Can't remember exactly what it's called, or where I got it actually, but it does exactly as you just said. And it glows because it's switched on." The Doctor came round to her side, flicking her hand away and playing about with the lever.

"Oi, I was listening to that! Amy cried indignantly, thwacking his arm and shuffling back over, gaining control of the radio once more.

"You were listening to Saliri poetry? All they speak about is cheese and trees" The Doctor raised an eyebrow at the garbled nonsense being translated to them by the ever-faithful TARDIS, smirking. "Didn't know that was one of your interests, Pond."

"Cheese and Trees? There's a rhyme right there." Amy rolled her eyes, still flicking the little bar up and down. "Wait, did I just hear what I thought I heard?" she adjusted the bar a little bit, leaning closer to the radio, and a familiar song came bursting from the speaker.

"I was told a million times of all the people in my way, how I had to keep on trying-"

"And get better every day!" Amy started to sing, jumping in excitement. "I love this song!"

"I didn't imagine you to be a Queen fan," The Doctor chuckled a little. "I always thought you'd like the more… 'modern' songs."

"Well I do. But I like Queen. And the Beatles. Aunt Sharon had a heap of their CD's, so I just kinda… grew up with them. Ooh! Can we go to a Queen concert?" Amy started jumping up and down again. "This a time machine, isn't it? Why don't we go to whatever year Freddie Mercury was playing at Wembley and see him live?"

The Doctor stopped to think for a moment, before sauntering over to the console, and pulling down a few random levers and pressing a couple of buttons. "That would be 1986, then,"

They clung to the console as the TARDIS flew through the vortex, Amy both screaming and laughing as they tumbled about, her arms flailing to grab the mustard-coloured seat - that the Doctor had occupied not ten minutes before, actually - as she lost her footing. Finally, it came to a crashing halt, and they fell over, gasping for air as bursts of laughter escaped from their mouths.

Picking themselves up off the ground and dusting themselves off, the two headed over to the doors and looked outside. As he scanned their surroundings, the Doctor started to scowl, and turned back to console.

"Goodness me, old girl, would it hurt you to take us to the right place for once?" The Doctor moaned, and Amy swore she heard the TARDIS groan in response. "Is it because we nearly got you burnt to the ground last week on Eganon Twelve? Or because I stole you? If it's the latter, you really need to learn to not hold a grudge! And I said I was sorry for the whole… burn-y thing!" The Doctor continued to rant, and whilst he was distracted, Amy decided to stick her head outside again. She gasped slightly as she looked around.

They were most certainly not in 1986.

Right in front of her was a giant, immaculate white building, towering above it's surrounding skyscrapers, which were all the same blinding shade of white, with a huge orange and yellow neon sign bearing the words _'Globalsoft'_ perched on top. Everywhere she looked she saw either a _'Globalsoft'_ of a '_GAGA'_ logo, and wondered what they meant. People strolling past the blue box glanced at Amy and increased their pace, throwing worried or dirty looks in her general direction. One person even crossed the road to avoid her, chatting quickly to her companion and squawking in fear at the ginger standing on the sparkling clean pavement.

"Amy! Where have you got to, Pond?" The Doctor snapped the TARDIS doors shut behind him, visibly relaxing as he saw that Amy was unharmed and had not ventured far. Normally she would be halfway down the street by this time. "Yup. Definitely not 1986. Where is this? Well, more importantly, _when_ is this?" he asked the blank sky, devoid of stars from all the pollution and bright lights.

"Planet Mall, seventh of October 2310, nine thirty six PM." Amy stated, turning to the Doctor with a grin on her face.

"How can you be so sure?" he frowned, searching his pockets for his Sonic Screwdriver and fumbling with it's settings. Amy pointed to the wall of the building on their left, which had a huge digital clock set into it, displaying the time and date in vast, red digits and with a little message at the bottom saying 'Good Evening, Globalsoft!' The Doctor sniffed. "Yes. Well, I noticed that. I was just testing you. Making sure you know how to determine where and when we are, and all that jazz." The Sonic Screwdriver returned to his pocket, a disgruntled expression appeared on his face, and he started to take a mental note of his surroundings.

Everywhere he looked, everything was… white. From the buildings, to the oddly clean pavements, to the artificial light pooling out of the recently lit streetlights, to the clothes that the people walking past them were wearing. Everything was spotless, neat and tidy, and branded with either a _'GAGA'_ logo, or a _'Globalsoft'_ logo.

"Everything's so… artificial. Fake. Not real." He muttered, taking his Sonic Screwdriver out again and tapping it thoughtfully against his teeth, the noise drowned out by the sounds of the busy street and the jingles blasting out from the screens built into the side of buildings. "Think. Why is everything so fake? Are we on Earth? The TARDIS and the Sonic both say we are. But _that_," he gestured wildly towards the screen with the huge red numbers, "says otherwise."

"Can you hear that?" Amy asked, cocking her head to the side as she looked up at the vast screen, the quick succession of flashing images whizzing past as a song she recognised started to play.

"_All we hear is Radio GAGA, Video GooGoo, Internet Caca!"_

"I recognise that song…" she spun in a circle, trying to pinpoint the source of the music, but it seemed that it was coming from anywhere and everywhere. "Radio GAGA. It's a Queen song. Why is it playing here? On a different planet?"

"Earth's not the only planet where Earth music is played, you know…" The Doctor told her matter-of-factly, as he stopped and watched a small gaggle of kids, probably only a few years younger than Amy, if that, wander up the street.

The boy at the front, in a hideously tight white top proudly displaying the _'GAGA' _logo, pointed them out and started bragging to his friends. The Doctor couldn't hear what he was bragging about though, as the groups collective gasp of shock and pleads for him to not be stupid, but to go on and do it anyway, drowned it out. The girls, all in matching pastel colours with _utterly ridiculous_ hairstyles and their arms laden down with shopping bags, giggled and shrieked in fear and admiration, as if the boy had just exclaimed that he was about to single-handedly take out a dalek. Amy and the Doctor watched in confusion as the boy strutted up to them, still smirking at his friends.

"Hey, you two! Bohemian scum! Shouldn't you be crawling back to your drains, where you belong?" he quipped, and the gang behind him all laughed in the same high-pitched, superficial tone. The Doctor looked taken aback, and Amy glowered.

"Excuse me?" she hissed, taking a step forward. Sure the guy was taller than her – quite a bit taller actually, and his gelled hair didn't help make him look smaller – but that didn't stop her.

"Yes. I could. Scum!" he spat the last word, giving Amy a none-too-gentle shove to the pristine pavement as the pack of hyenas started their nasally guffaws again. The Doctor lost his cool, storming towards them and stepping protectively in front on Amy, who was a bit dazed from the fall, just as the boy was about to give her a hard kick to the head. He whipped out the sonic screwdriver, aiming it threateningly at the boys eyeball, and he started laughing again.

"What, you think a little light is gonna scare us?" One of the girls squeaked, and the group started to laugh again. It was starting to hurt the Doctors ears, actually; it was that… irritating.

"Oh believe me, this 'little light' can do some pretty bad damage. Step away from Amelia!" The Doctor demanded, but the group either wasn't intimidated, or was rather stupid. One of the boys held out their hand to help Amy up, and for a split second the Doctor mistook the gesture for a teeny act of kindness – so did Amy. She started swearing though when the boys started pushing her around the group, not allowing her to regain her balance as she was shoved from one kid to another, the Doctor trying to jump into the middle of the rapidly formed circle to get Amy back.

Running out of ideas, as his shouts of protest didn't seem to be working, he set off his Sonic Screwdriver, and almost instantaneously, the communicators on each kids wrist sparked and powered off. They let go of Amy immediately, all clutching their wrists and howling their surprise and shock as their latest model was ruined.

Hauling Amy to her feet, the two of them sprinted around the corner and down into a dark alleyway, as a few of the boys started to follow. They came to a dead end – a rusting wired fence, almost foreign looking amongst the forest of white – and Amy started to panic until the Doctor started to climb, instructing her to do the same. Her battered converse scrabbled uselessly against the wire, but the Doctor hauled her up and over, just as the boys reached the fence. They stood where they stopped, not daring to come any closer and shouting insults at the pair as they fled though the darkened wastelands, away from the bright lights of the Planet Mall city centre.

"Earth to Pond, are you okay, Amy?" The Doctor queried, and it took her a few moments to register that he was talking to her. The past few moments had gone so quickly.

"Uh yeah, I'm uh, fine." She said slowly, waving him away as he started scanning her over with the screwdriver. "Doctor, I said I was fine!"

"No concussion, just a slight bump to the head, you may get a bruise later. Count yourself lucky, those teens could have done a lot of damage, and that pavement looks like it's made out of marble or something." The Doctor rambled, tucking the Sonic in his pocket once more and straightening up.

"One thing is for sure Amy – this is definitely not 1986."

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**I've had this idea in my head for goodness knows how long now, and DefyingPopular said it sounded cool so… here we are.**

**No Rory – I'm crap at trying to get his character right. So this is set whilst he is erased from history. How bloody convenient.**


	2. The Wastelands

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

"Nope. Not safe. Not going back that way. No, no, no."

"Aw, and I was just going to ask if I could go shopping with the nutters…" Amy sighed, stumbling to keep up with the Doctor. He stopped in the middle of the path, eyes wide.

"Are you _mad,_ Amy? They nearly killed you! Let me tell you, marble is not exactly like grass. You hit your head off _that,_ and _bam, _you're_-" _

"Doctor, can you not recognise sarcasm?" she rolled her eyes and continued walking ahead. "Where are we going, anyway?"

"Anywhere but the city."

Beyond the fence seemed to be a completely opposite world from the pristine white of the city they had landed in about ten minutes before. Almost every lamp post was either broken, battered, graffitied, or just not standing upright at all. The ground looked like it could have once been grass, but years of neglect had turned it to pitiful dirt, and the gravely remains of a road were what the Doctor and Amy were treading now. The stars shone more clearly out here, as there was no city lights to hide them, and the broken streetlamps gave off very little light.

"So… why d'you think the TARDIS brought us here?" Amy wondered aloud, staring up at the sky, which was rapidly filling with dark, heavy clouds.

"No idea, if you want the honest truth. I'm still thoroughly confused. The sonic readings are adamant that this is Earth, but all the video screens say that this is Planet Mall. Unless there's been a rupture in the time stream, and we are currently in a paradox, oh, not good, extremely very not good. However the sonic might just be needing recharged, in which case-"

"Doctor, you're rambling again."

"Sorry."

They continued to walk in silence; the cool wind picking up and playing with the dust which Amy dragged her converses through. She rubbed her arms quickly, trying to muster some heat in her body.

She wished she'd brought a jacket. Or some trousers, at least. Short skirts _really_ weren't good in this weather.

"You're cold." The Doctor stated, noticing the goosebumps on Amy's arms.

"'Course I'm cold! It's bloody freezing out here, and I don't have a jacket!"

Wordlessly, the Doctor took his tweed jacket off and handed it to Amy.

"Won't you get cold?"

"I'm not human. I'll stay warmer for longer." He grinned, offering her the jacket once more, and she took it, slipping it over her shoulders and embracing its warmth.

Just as they started moving again, large, fat drops of rain started to fall in a sudden downpour from the skies, and Amy screeched in shock.

"Just our luck, eh?" she muttered, pulling the coat over her head like a funny tweed blanket. They started to jog ahead, the rain coming down in cold, grey sheets, and the dirt slowly turning to mud under their soles. After a few more minutes of slipping about, they spotted a long abandoned van just off the side of the road, and sprinted towards it as the rain got even heavier.

The Doctor ended up in the drivers seat, pushing his sodden hair out of his face and leaning back in the chair. Amy tried using the jacket to towel dry her hair, but that plan failed miserably, and her hair was left sticking up in every direction. She caught sight of it in the cracked rear-view mirror and groaned.

"Ah, don't worry, Pond. We'll find you a hairbrush soon. If we ever find our way back to the TARDIS. It's not like we could ask someone for directions, is there?" he grinned, kicking his feet up onto the steering wheel. "How about a sing song to pass the time, eh?" he clapped his hands gleefully, and Amy groaned again.

"Ugh. Only you would think of something like that at a time like this…" she pouted, but nevertheless found herself joining in with the Doctor's (pretty bad) rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody.

However, their little singsong was cut short as the van doors were flung open, and the two were dragged forcefully from their seats.

"Amy!" The Doctor cried, thrashing against his unseen attacker as his companion did the same. He found himself pushed forcefully up against the bonnet of the van, a man's hand grasping his throat. Amy was opposite him in the arms of a crazy-looking blonde woman (wearing a pair of shorts even shorter than Amy had ever dared wear), putting up quite a fight. She stopped suddenly when she felt a sharp wire pressed against her neck. The tweed jacket lay discarded in a puddle.

"Talk quick, bitch! Where did you and your boyfriend get those words!" she screeched, tugging on a lock of Amy's hair, causing her to wince in pain.

"What words? Get off!" she demanded, attempting to kick the girl. She missed, and it only earned her another pull of her hair.

"I'm not her boyfriend!" the Doctor gasped out, managing to throw the burly man off him. How he did it, he had no idea. His sudden freedom didn't last long though, as the man tripped him up and sent him sprawling to the ground, twisting his arms behind his back before he could get up or reach his jacket.

"You've read the fragments, you know the holy texts! An' he calls you Amy. Amy who? Amy Winehouse? Amy Macdonald? Amy Lee? Who're ya named after?" the blonde girl demanded. Her accent was Scottish, just like Amy's.

"I don't know what you're on about! Let me go!"

"Exactly! Spies, both of 'em! They must be, Brit!" the girl exclaimed. "You know the words from the texts! Where did ya learn 'em?"

"T-texts? I don't know any words from the texts! I don't even know what the texts are!" Amy stammered, as the wire was pulled tighter. "I just know the words to the song!"

"Aye, but where did ya learn them!"

"When I was little!" she argued pathetically, now struggling for air. "I just know them! Let me go!" she kicked out again.

Suddenly, the wire was released, and Amy was pushed to the ground, gasping for oxygen.

"Leave her alone! We just learnt the words, all right? Years ago. We just know them!" The Doctor butted in, giving up in his struggle with Brit. "I was singing there too, she's not the only one at fault here!"

"Test 'em." The girl stated, glaring up at Brit.

"Meat… I highly doubt they're spies. They're dressed like Bohemians, know the songs…"

"Don't 'Meat' me! _Test 'em!"_

A silence fell over the small group. Amy got to her knees, and Brit released the Doctor, who scurried over to Amy's aid.

"I didn't mean let him go! They're gonna run!" Meat cried, frantic. She tightened the wire in her hands and set a scowl on her face, ready for a fight if they decided to scarper.

"No, look, we're not gonna run! We're just gonna sit here and let you do the… test…" the Doctor blurted, his arms up. Meat didn't look convinced. She looked up at Brit once more, and he sighed, standing up straighter and adjusting his sunglasses.

"_Mamma, just killed a man, put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead…"_ he trailed off and wheeled on Amy and the Doctor, pointing a finger at them, evidently wanting one of them to continue.

"_Mamma, life had just begun, but now I've gone and thrown it all away" _Amy blurted quickly, emitting a sudden yelp of terror as Meat grabbed her hair again.

"_See!_ They know the texts! Did you sneak in, then? Did Globalsoft send ya? Courtesy o' the Killer Queen hersel'?" Meat growled, as Brit pulled her back.

"I taught her them!" The Doctor jumped up, once again trying to turn the blame on himself.

"And where did you learn 'em?"

"I… can't remember. I just know that I know the lyrics."

Brit successfully managed to drag a hot-tempered Meat away from the two on the ground, giving her a quick smack round the back of the head.

"Meat! Babes, calm down, think straight for a minute. They're dressed like Bohemians, judging by the state of them they're on the run, and he knows the words from the text without ever reading them! He might be the guy we've been looking for!" Brit told her, pushing his sunglasses onto the top of his head and looking her in the eye.

"Him? _The Dreamer!_ Don't be daft! He looks pathetic!" she argued, glancing back at the pair.

"Are you okay?" The Doctor asked Amy, fishing his jacket out of the puddle and pulling out his sonic screwdriver, checking her over for the second time that evening.

"Just peachy…" she gasped, rubbing her throat. "Bunch of nutters! Why can't we go somewhere where the first people we meet don't want to kill us?"

"What would be the fun in that?" he retorted, scowling at his sopping jacket. "Ugh, this was dry clean only!" he moaned. His hand flew up to his neck. "Bow tie's still here though, good."

Meat glowered at Brit, tucking the wire back into the top of her corset, crossing her arms. "Hmph. You'll be sayin' she's the Bad-Assed Babe, next!"

"Babe, it fits. Think about it!" Brit pleaded, draping his arm around her shoulder.

"_Fine!_ We'll bring 'em back to the Heartbreak! But if any Yuppies appear and we die, I swear I'm gonna bring you back to life and kill you all over again!"

The Doctor helped Amy to her feet and dusted himself off just as Meat and Brit turned back around.

"Right. You two need to come with us!"


End file.
